If My Life Was A Movie, I Would Call It, “The Reclamation”.
It would be a little bit action, drama, great travel, and most definitely romance.
It would be an epic love story, one where the heroine finally falls in love…wait for it…with herself. Lol
Don’t get me wrong, my relationships have been my greatest teachers. From parents to friends to lovers, my supporting cast has brought so much richness and texture to my life. But, I couldn’t truly receive the love others offered me, till I learned to love myself.
When I woke up to the voice of my soul and the truth of my heart, it irrevocably changed everything. I was asleep…for a while. You too?
You’re on autopilot cruising along, and one day, you realize that the life you’ve been living is not fully yours.
It’s a compilation of your parents, teachers, and society’s beliefs.
Scarily, you hadn’t the faintest idea that you’ve been living under the guise of their wants and needs. Their trauma. You literally created a persona to appease and win the love, appreciation, and validation of those you care about. (This would be the part of the movie where everything comes to a screeching halt…ugh)
On a beautiful warm day in May 2016, after listening to a podcast from a coach, I unexpectedly WOKE UP. The coach was going on about how if you don’t like your life, then you better start figuring out why you created it that way. It literally felt like someone poured ice cold water over me and awoke me from a dream.
Wait, what?? Is she crazy? I didn’t create this. At the time, my daughters were 2 1/2 and 1. I was knee deep in diapers, sleepless nights, being a spiritual entrepreneur who had recently left corporate America, and in a shitty partnership. That last part…yeah, wait, I created that?
You bet I did. My wounds pulled in the exact people and lessons I needed at that time to heal. But, at that moment, I was incensed. Pissed off that I had missed this memo. I was too busy being blinded by what I couldn’t see…that my trauma was running parts of my life.
I prayed…”God, please show what I yet can not see.” The crazy thing is, God always delivers. Within months, the truth I denied was blatantly in my face. I was with a man who had a big drinking problem which made me feel so alone and trapped. I loved him, but we weren’t able to relate. With the addition of my second child, I started to feel more disconnected from him and any hope that things could be better.
A few months after my prayer, he revealed to me that he’d been cheating on me. The day I found out, an innocence was lost, and holy rage set my life on fire. That was the saddest and most confusing day of my life. I felt stupid…I thought he loved me? When I look back on that day, I now imagine whispering in her ear, “I promise this will all make sense someday. You have to go through this so you learn to stop betraying and truly love yourself.”
My life was falling apart. It took everything in me to take care of my girls and still run my business. My body felt like it was foreign to me. I was overweight from my 2nd pregnancy, and fatigued all the time. I went to a few doctors to figure out what was going on with me, and they told me it was being in my 40’s that caused all this. I knew that wasn’t true. I’d been healthy and full of energy my whole life. Eventually, I figured out that I had Epsetin Barr virus which came on shortly after the big reveal.
My body was out of alignment just like my life was. My heart was heavy…
Waking up was hard.
I had always imagined one day I would do a spiritual pilgrimage like the walk of Santiago in Spain or sit in an ashram in India to meditate. Something romantic like that…
My journey was more sobering and simple. My “travel” was to my “innerverse” to figure out WTH was going on. My subject matter: my wounds, trauma, and history. Fun, right? But seriously…in the midst of it all, I realized if I created all this chaos, I knew I could create something epic if I understood what was happening.
Ironically, I knew I wasn’t a victim. Even though at times I wanted to throw myself the most incredible pity party…decorations and all, I couldn’t.
At that time, I was already deep on my spiritual path of channeling, doing multidimensional healing, and coaching. I had all the tools, but they were knowledge based, not integrated, and definitely not yet my own embodied wisdom through lived experience.
That changed when I took radical ownership of my life. This part of my movie would be called, “The Disruption.” I had to tear down the life I was living.
I left my challenging partnership in 2020 after working on my “stuff” for 4 years, and bravely started a new life. Those 4 years provided the fertile soil for me to learn to forgive, and figure me out. My father was an alcoholic who cheated on my mom. My mom has always suffered with mental illness and repressed trauma. I brought in a partner who helped me heal what I couldn't see growing up. Ultimately, I had to relearn love and create new beliefs around it.
So, I let go of the big house, the facades, and the white lies I was telling myself. I chose ME and the life I truly desired.
I now operate as a co creator of my reality and make decisions based on my truth and intuition. I learned how to feel safe in my body, make hard choices, and be resilient AF. Most importantly, to follow a compass based on joy and pleasure.
Now, my focus is on being the best role model for my daughters. I travel the world. I CHERISH my healthy loving partnership that is a true reflection of my healing. I get to show up fully in my gifts and purpose every day to serve incredible women all over the world.
Although my heart has been cracked open many times over, I keep it open, curious, and expecting life to bring the best…
I leaned way in. When I wanted to run, I stayed in the darkness and waited for the light to come. I recovered the parts of me I disowned in my childhood. I let go of shame and guilt. I repaired the relationship with myself and others. I embraced my integrity and values. I still do it. Every day is an opportunity to continue to choose love.
Now, it’s your turn.
You aren’t broken. It’s time for your own reclamation story where you fall in love with the person staring back at you in the mirror.
Your whole world will open up when you live on your own terms being your most radiant, authentic, and glorious self. You will draw in beauty, riches, and joy from this place. You will be FREE to FLY.
You will be glad you woke up, walked through the darkness, and found your most incredible life on the other side. It’s my greatest honor to be your guide home.
Fun Facts
- I’m a Sagittarius sun & moon with an Aries rising…My north node is also in Sag
- I’m a Manifesting Generator in Human Design
- I’m a 5/1 in the Gene Keys
- I love a good dance party
- I’m the happiest when I’m with the people I love in nature especially somewhere traveling
- Laughing and crying is the best medicine for me
- I love exercising and moving my body
- My wild woman archetype will teach you to be comfortable in any setting in your life
- I’m very unconventional and embrace it
- I chase pleasure and beautiful sunsets
- I want to travel all over the world before I leave this beautiful planet
- My heart is ready to leave my ocean life of 32 years and move to the mountains
- Divine Union is my jam
- Family is everything to me
- Intimate connection with my clients is the best
- God is my true Source
